Carb Your Enthusiasm

Over the weekend, I attended my church's annual conference.  I volunteered to serve with one of the church ministries, so I was quite busy for most of the conference.  My family and I stayed at a nearby hotel, and if you saw all of the bags they had with them, you would have thought that we were going on a two-week trek across Europe.  My sister had to have had five duffel bags of clothes, games for my nephew, shoes, more clothes, coloring books, and all kinds of crazy stuff.  And then we had probably four or five cooler bags and lunch bags full of food & beverages -- juices, sodas, bottled water, sandwiches, fruit, applesauce, crackers, cookies (Pepperidge Farm made a boatload of money off of us this weekend).

Even though I had plenty of carbs to indulge in, I was so busy running around the Convention Center or running between the Convention Center and the hotel that I actually dropped a few pounds over the weekend (well, at least that's what my scale said this morning.)

Stick To The Script, Please

I hate conference calls.  I am on a conference call right now, and only ten minutes into it the agenda was blown away because everyone wants to talk about everything else other than the issue at hand.  What's so hard about sticking to the agenda?  As it looks now, nothing that is on the agenda will get covered, and then everyone will want to shoot emails and instant messages trying to get answers to the questions that they should have asked on the call in the first place.  This is the kind of stuff that drives me to eat bread.

I'm not in a very good mood right now, and I need some bread to lighten my mood.  Hey!  Maybe I'm in a bad mood because I haven't had any bread today!  One of my co-workers gave me some grapes this morning, so now that I think about it, I'm missing my bread.  These people need to hurry up so I can get off this call and head out for lunch.  This is ridiculous.  Now they want to recap all of the stuff that they discussed that was NOT on the agenda.  I guess that gives them a sense of accomplishment.  Whatever.

Kicked To The Carb

Darn it!  I just tried posting a very clever and funny entry just now, but when I hit the 'save' button, I got an error message.  Now I have to start over.

Yesterday I read a report on WBAL TV 11's website that stated that low-carb diets may not be all that they're made out to be.  According to some recent study, many consumers would not consider purchasing low-carb foods because of potential health risks.  So despite all of the ruckus you're hearing about the low-carb craze, most people actually do enjoy carbs!   Your co-worker who is such an Atkins enthusiast is probably sneaking chocolate chip cookies when no one is looking.  If you don't believe me, if you think I'm making it up, then check out the article for yourself!  I bet if you take a peak in your co-worker's cube, they probably have a stash of potato chips under their desk.  Ha ha, made you look.

If the low-carb craze was all that (and a bag of chips), then McDonald's, Wendy's and Burger King would be serving up burgers without the buns.  And speaking of buns, why don't the Big 3 offer wheat buns?  If you go to Subway or Quizno's or even Panera, you can choose wheat bread for your sandwich.  Wheat bread is a healthy carb.  I'd take a Filet-O-Fish on wheat over one of those corny Go Active! Happy Meals for Adults any day.  What's the big deal about those wack Go Active! Happy Meals for Adults anyway?  The name alone is corny, wack, and a mouthful.  I don't have the time to ask for a corny Go Active! Happy Meals for Adults when I go through McDonald's drive-thru.  Plus, what are you paying for?  A salad, a bottled water and what?  A stepometer?  If anyone is interested, I have the insider scoop to the secret ingredients that go into the Go Active! Happy Meals for Adults (thank God for cut-and-pasting).  Gather round, and listen closely.  The secret is:  a salad, some salad dressing and a bottled water.  That's it!  You can go to your local grocery store, buy a six-pack of bottled water, grab a bag of salad, and a bottle of dressing and viola!  You have your very own, homemade Go Active! Happy Meal for Adults.

Later this week, I will be attending my church's annual conference.  My family and I will be staying at a nearby hotel, and my poor sister (whose hotel experience is rather limited) is packing like we're going on a two-week safari in Africa.  Earth to Sister, we will be staying downtown for 2 whole nights.  You don't need to pack your entire summer wardrobe.  Now if you want to pack extra anything, pack us some extra sandwiches 'cause I'm not trying to pay $12 for a slice of pizza at the hotel.  And when you make the sandwiches, would you be so kind and use wheat bread?

Confessions

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.  Over the weekend, I made a boxed cake.  I had a Warm Spirit Party on Saturday afternoon, and was too tired to make a cake from scratch.  I know, you have blessed me with the ability to bake from scratch -- something that you passed down to me from my mother, and my grandmother.  I am so ashamed. 

You see, it wasn't an easy decision to make.  Although I was exhausted on Friday, I had intended on making a pound cake, but when I went to Costco and saw that 4 lbs. of butter was almost $10, I cringed.  I know that I could have substituted margarine for butter in my cake recipe, but God you know how I am when it comes to margarine.  I don't believe in margarine.  It's an evil substitute for butter.  It's just like false prophets.  They claim to know you and follow you.  They try to act like you and talk like you.  But they aren't anything like you.  They are just perpetrating a fraud.  And that's how I feel about margarine.  There's no way I could serve up a homemade cake made with margarine.

Did I also mention that I bought loaf cake from the Costco, too?  There were three store-baked loaves in a pack for something like $4.50.  That's like $1.50 per loaf!  You couldn't beat that with a bat.  I don't believe in store-bought cakes either, but it's the lesser of three evils.  Compared to the box cake and the margarine-flavored scratch cake, a store bought cake seemed to be the safest option.

Please, please forgive me for this transgression.  I promise not to stray from the straight and narrow path of baking ever again.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Carbs

I'm having a party at my house on Saturday afternoon, and I have a real dilemma.  I'm trying to figure out how to plan a healthy menu for my guests while at the same time balancing my need for carbs.  Veggies and dip just won't do it for me.  You might as well lock me in a closet.  However, I do realize that some people are on diets or are trying to eat healthy, and the less bread I have for them, the better.  However, I'm really torn.  I love to cook and bake, and some of my best dishes are high-carb culinary delights.  When you go to a party, you remember the delicious cakes and desserts, not the ranch dip or the celery sticks.  Get real!

Low-Carb Food & Wedding Receptions Just Don't Mix

This weekend, one of my roommates from college got married in New York.  Another one of my roommates had asked me to go to the wedding with her, so I drove to Philly on Saturday, picked her up, and then we were off to NY. 

The wedding was lovely, simply exquisite and very sweet.  I can only hope to have such a wedding someday.  Anyhoo, the reception was another story altogether!  Before the formal reception started, the wedding guests were escorted to the rooftop terrace (overlooking a lake, I might add) where the cocktail hour reception was held.  Not only was there a buffet selection of the finest gourmet foods, there were servers walking around with all kinds of sumptuous hors d'ouevres.  Most of the guests, myself included, were stuffed by the time the maitre d' announced that the main reception was starting.

(For those of you who are asking, yes, they had rolls and other gourmet breads at the cocktail hour reception; and yes, I did partake.)

At the main reception, we were served a fabulous five-course meal.  By the time we got to the third course, I was barely able to lift my fork!

A funny thing happened just before the dinner was served.  (I must point out that this was a lively reception from the very beginning!  The bridal party danced into the reception hall as they were introduced, and once the bride and groom danced in, everyone joined them on the dance floor!  There was a lot of dancing going on at this reception; they played all kinds of music -- R&B, hip hop, jazz, Latin, oldies, you name it!  I've never had so much fun!)  Okay, now back to the funny thing that happened just before the dinner was served.  Maureen & Ricardo, the blushing bride and groom, led a conga line through the reception hall, weaving between the tables and urging all the guests to join them.  When Maureen got to our table, she told us that we had to get up or that she would tell the servers not to serve us!  I told her that I had foot surgery...and I did actually, but over a year ago.  Ha ha!

When we finally got ourselves together to leave, it was 11:30 and people were still out onthe dance floor.  I guess they were trying to salsa off some of the calories they had eaten.  I was too tired (and too shy) to join them.

Could you imagine a low-carb wedding reception being as fun?  I think not!  If you do away with the bread & rolls, pasta, rice, gourmet potatoes, fried hors d'ouevres, gourmet cookies & ice cream and -- (as the French would say) the piece de resistance - THE WEDDING CAKE -- what would you have left?  Some meat, vegetables and water.  Not fun at all.  I wonder what the Atkins people serve at their wedding receptions.

Love may make the world go 'round, but carbs make people happy.  And people who are happy are people who love.  And since we've already established that love makes the world go 'round, you now can see why carbs are a necessary part of a healthy diet.

Delicious Dilemmas

Earlier this morning, AOL emailed me to let me know that The Carb Lover's Notebook is being considered as a feature on the Diet & Fitness screen.  They asked that I send them a picture of myself to posted along side the link to my page.  I should probably take a picture surrounded by all of my favorite high carb delights -- bread, kaiser rolls, croissants, chocolate chip cookies, cinnamon raisin bread, french toast, vanilla ice cream, french fries, buttermilk biscuits, belgian waffles, pound cake, apple pie, homemade rolls -- but then again, maybe not.  If I were to do that, the Atkins people would treat me like PETA treats people with fur coats.

Right now, I'm sipping on lemon water and trying to decide what kind of sandwich I want for lunch.  Yesterday, I had a delicious chicken sandwich from Panera Bread, and I tried to be a good girl and load up on the fresh greens and tomatoes.  But you know what, I ended up picking them off in order to get to the heart of the sandwich -- the heavenly rosemary & red onion focaccia.

For me, lunch without some kind of bread is like a television without a remote control.

Someone asked me the other day if I would ever get around to writing an entry about the Atkins Pancake & Waffle mix.  Trust me, it's coming.  I just have to muster up the nerve to do it.