Monday, August 2, 2004

Monday Has Been Postponed Until Further Notice


It's been one of those kind of days.  Everything is due right away, and if it isn't, it's past due.  And if it isn't past due, it's been escalated, and then that means that it's due right away.  I've been glued to my seat all day, and when I finally decided to take a break for lunch, it was almost 4 PM!

Earlier this morning I broke my "No Carb, Low Carb" vow when I went to the slot machines this morning, bet on some Pop Tarts and won.  But by 3:30 PM, I was feeling kind of raggedy, and decided to heat up the plate of Sunday dinner leftovers that I packed for lunch today.  My dear, dear co-worker (who we'll call Egbert) put my food (and his, since I brought him a plate, too) in the fridge saving me a trip to the kitchen this morning.

When I went to the kitchen to get my food out of the fridge, Egbert was perched in front of the microwave, eagerly watching his food like he was watching the Tyson-Williams fight on Pay-Per-View.  I opened the fridge and searched amid the sea of plastic grocery bags for my plate, and didn't see it.  I then checked the other fridge right next to it (yes, we have two refrigerators in the kitchen) and didn't find it there either.  I asked Egbert where he had put my plate, and you know what he said?  "Oh, I put it in the fridge in the other kitchen."  The other kitchen?  At the other end of the building? (In case I've lost you, we not only have two refrigerators in one kitchen, we have two kitchens in one building.) 

Oh well, so I figured that I deserved a soda for that. (Anyone who knows me knows that I don't drink soda all that often, maybe once in a blue moon.)  I stopped by the slot machine, bet on a soda, and lost.  The machine was empty.  So I trudged on to the other kitchen at the other end of the building, the distance between the two kitchens being about twenty-five city blocks.  I got to the other kitchen, and found the microwave there unplugged and pushed up against the wall.  Darn it! 

I decided to go to the other slot machine on the lower level, get a soda, come back to Kitchen #1, get my food, walk all the way to the other end of the building to Kitchen #2, heat my food up and then come back to my desk to eat.  I had no other choice. 

Twenty minutes later, I finally got back to my desk with my plate of food, and you know what?  It wasn't even hot.  Not hardly.  I was so tired, I thought that maybe I stuck my food back in the fridge thinking it was the microwave.  But no, I put it in a little box, pushed a button and it lit up and started spinning around.  So that was the microwave, albeit broken.  I guess that microwave will soon be unplugged and pushed up against the wall, too.  I probably should have tried heating my food again, but I didn't want to go through all of that drama.  I just ate it cold.

I'm going home now.

Monday has been postponed until further notice.

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Cardboard Carbs

Hey, I'm actually listening to some music while I'm writing my entry!  Who knew I could do two things at once?  For the record, I'm not a big Brandy fan (I thought Monica sang circles around Brandy on their "The Boy Is Mine" duet) but this Kanye West-blessed single is pretty smooth.  Oh well, on to more important things...

Before you read any further, you will need to gather the following items: a piece of cardboard, a small cup of water, butter or margarine, a fork, a knife and a hacksaw (or some other heavy duty cutting tool).  I’ll explain it all later, but just go get those things, please.

Okay, now that you’re back, take the cardboard, place it on a flat surface, and flip it once every 2 minutes or so.  Don’t ask questions.  Just do it!

After about 4 or 5 flips, using the knife spread a small amount of butter or margarine on the cardboard.  Next, take the hacksaw (or whatever heavy duty cutting tool you have) and cut the butter-topped cardboard into small squares.  Then slowly pour a little bit (no more than two tablespoons) of water on the cardboard.  Pierce a cardboard square with a fork, place it in your mouth and chew as best as you can.

You have just reenacted my experience with the nastier-than-nasty Atkins pancake and waffle mix.  Apparently Atkins, which until recently was a card-carrying member of the anti-carb society), now realizes the importance of incorporating some form of carbohydrates into our daily diet, and thus have created a low-carb version of two breakfast favorites.

Being the breakfast food junkie that I am, I thought I would give Atkins mixes and syrup a try.  The Atkins people should be ashamed of themselves for putting out such a horrible tasting product.  There is nothing worse than bad tasting carbs. 

Shame on you, Atkins people, shame on you!

Thursday, July 29, 2004

The Clock's Ticking...

Well, my fifteen minutes of fame have run out.  I didn't know that AOL was only going to feature my journal on its People Connections page for a day, but oh well, I enjoyed it while it lasted.  Like an actor whose sitcom has just been cancelled, I have to move on.

I've been trying not to get too entrenched in this year's election rhetoric, but I just had to take a peek at Kerry's speech at the Democratic National Convention tonight.  I have to give the man credit.  For a moment there, he actually had me believing that he could solve the world's problems in four years!  I almost felt like I could conquer the world, eat all the carbs I wanted and not suffer.  If Kerry can come up with a low-carb version of my favorite food -- French Toast -- that doesn't taste like crap, then he's got my vote!  Oh yeah, and while he's at it, I sure would like to see my student loan balances disappear.  If he could do those two things for me, then I'd vote for him.

But even in the midst of the limelight of the Democratic convention and all of the impassioned speeches given this week, one must remember:  a thief that is not punished for stealing will keep stealing until he's caught.  Marinate on that, and I'll be back in the AM.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

FAQ's (Frequently Asked Questions)

Since AOL featured my journal, I have been receiving IM's like Michael Moore is collecting money from the box office - fast and furious.  Thanks to everyone for your words of encouragement and advice.  I promise to do my best not to let anyone down.  Now that I know that I'm not in this alone (we're all in this thing together!), that is inspiration enough for me to straighten up and fly right.  In fact, for dinner, I had a burger with cheese and...(insert drumroll) bread!  That's right, you read correctly, I had a burger without the bun.  Now what does that tell you?  Thank you, you can stop applauding now.

However, amid all of the advice and encouragement, I got an interesting string of IM's and questions that I would like to share with the rest of you. 

Warning:  Some of these comments may cause you to laugh uncontrollably.


"Hey Mattsaunti, is that really your picture on AOL? Do you have any other pics of you - maybe with less clothes on? (wink)" - Willie WooWoo*

Dear Willie WooWoo, Yes that's my photo, and no, I don't have any photos of myself half-naked.  If you're interested in ogling pictures of scantily-clad women, I'm sure you can find them by going to  (wink)


"Hi, I didn't read your journal but I saw your pic.  Great smile.  By the way, are your married or anything?"  - I Like A Great Smile

Dear ILAGS, Thanks for taking the time to look at my photo on AOL.  I hope you get the chance to read my journal, though.  And to answer your question, no I'm not married...or anything.


"Hey sweetness.  If I weren't married with kids, I'd take you out and feed you all the carbs you want.  Have a nice day." - Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, I don't know if that was a compliment and/or if I should be thanking you for it.  But at least I can say thanks for checking out my journal, I guess.  By the way, the journal is about me trying to cut back on carbs, not load up on them.  You have a nice day, too!


"Girl, you are what I would call a SINGLE WITH CHEESE.  Where do you live?" - Checkin' You Out

Dear CYO, 'Single with cheese', never been called that before.  But I guess there's a first for everything.  If you take the time to read my journal, I gave some details about myself like where I'm from.  But I can pretty much gather that you are not from my neck of the woods because the guys around here don't call women 'singles with cheese'.


"Hello?  I saw your photo on AOL?  I think you have a nice smile?" - Anonymous Too

Dear Anonymous Too, Interesting choice of punctuation.  Thanks for the compliment.  Or should I say, 'Thanks for the compliment?'


"Hi Mattsaunti, I was checking out your photo on AOL.  You have a really nice smile.  Where do you live?  I'm in NY and maybe we could meet up.  I'm a personal trainer and I have helped many of my clients achieve a healthy lifestyle.  I could work with you, too.  With that great smile, you'd make my job easy." - Part-Time Personal Trainer

Dear PT PT, Gee, thanks for the compliment about my smile.  It seems that I have gotten a lot of that today.  And just to think, I hate that picture of myself!  Anyhoo, I don't live near NY and I don't think that a long-distance personal training relationship between us would work.


"Hey there, you look great in your photo.  How much weight have you lost?  Have you thought about doing Atkins or the South Beach Diet?  Not to say that you need to lose any more weight." - Clever And Really Brilliant

Dear CARB, Yeah, indeed you are clever.  Thanks for the compliment.  If you read through the journal you will see that I haven't lost a whole lot of weight.  You will also see that I was on the South Beach Diet for about four hours.


And there you have it, a brief sampling of the interesting IM's I have received today.  I probably will be posting more of these in the near future.  Until the next time, remember, Reading Is Fundamental.

*The names of the guilty have been changed to protect the innocent.

Sold Out

As I'm typing this entry, I'm feasting on a chicken filet sandwich from Wendy's.  Yes, I know, I should be ashamed.  Only a few hours ago I told everyone that I was going to "low-carb" it today.  But see, something really strange happened today.  I had every intention of going to Wendy's to get a salad for lunch.  (The last time I had a salad for lunch, "American Idol" was just a twinkle in Simon Cowell's eye.)  But when I got to the restaurant, the line was ridiculously long, and by the time I got to the front to place my order, they SOLD OUT OF SALADS.  I repeat, WENDY'S SOLD OUT OF SALADS.  I had been in line for almost 30 minutes and when I finally get the chance to do something right, I can't.  What was I to do?  You know Wendy's serves nothing but carbs outside of their salads.  So I ordered a chicken sandwich and some fries.  I learned a trick a while ago that has helped me in my battle against bread; I learned that if you eat a sandwich with a knife and fork, you are less prone to eat all of the bread.  When you cut the sandwich up, you tend to eat the meat of the sandwich and toss the bread to the side.  I was doing well until I saw all of that bread looking all sad and lonely on the plate.  The next thing I knew, I was dipping pieces of bread in honey mustard sauce (which is just excellent with fries, by the way), and then it was all gone.

I blame this all on Wendy's.  It wasn't my fault that they ran out of salads!

If You First Don't Succeed...

Wow!  I cannot believe all of the responses and feedback I have been getting from everyone!  Thanks for the words of encouragement.  Because of you, I'm going to get back on the low-carb  As of right now, I'm going to cut back on the carbs, stay away from chocolate chip cookies, vanilla ice cream and delicious chicken cheesesteaks.   I'm getting all weepy just thinking about it.  I'm going to miss all of my wonderful carb delights.  But I'll have to learn to seek solace in vegetables and stuff.  But they don't have fruit and veggies in the snack machines here at work.

So I'm going to try this thing in earnest.  I'm doing great so far...I haven't had any carbs at all today!  I'll post again at lunch to let everyone know how I'm making out.

Say a prayer for me.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Breaking The Fast

Thanks to everyone for your great comments, words of advice and encouragement!  It's good to know that people are actually reading my journal, and don't think that I'm crazy...well at least you guys don't say that I am.

I just got finished munching on a slice of delicious, homemade sour cream pound cake.  My low-carb goal for the day has been blown!